ralph 
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Da nun einer neuer Arikel in der Sparte "medazzatalk" online geht, hier noch archiv-halber der TOUR WARS-Artikel:
TOUR WARS
Ah, touring….
I must admit, for me personally, one of the best things about being in a band is getting the hell out of Dodge and on the road!
Now if you aren’t a musician and never experienced the “joy” of this large feat of traveling countless miles to various locations in anything from the ultra comfortable tour bus to a rusted old van, well let me give you an inside scoop on what makes the life of a gypsy bearable…
It’s the little things… like showers. I mean lets face it, as Gerard Way from My Chemical Romance puts it, If you haven’t showered in over a week you probably shouldn’t leave the van, heh. On tours with other bands, it’s the fun little pranks you begin to play on each other halfway through that really makes life on the road interesting.
I like to call them, the Tour Wars.
My friend Dez Cadina of Black Flagg fame has recently been touring as guitarist in the new incarnation of the Misfits. Those boys took a prank that was pulled on them last year by The Damned, and used it on The Addicts during this year’s Fiendfest. They ripped out numerous photos from gay porn magazines and plastered the stage and monitors with them. The audience couldn’t tell but the Addicts had quite an eyeful as they rocked. Not to be undone, The Addicts retaliated with a full on trashing of The Misfit’s tour bus while they were playing their set… Complete with silly string, baby powder, etc…
Baltimore, Maryland based band, Agents of the Sun are a fun little group to tour with. Their guitarist, Ralph, tells of tales that involve jacking up other bands’ vans, removing all four wheels, rolling them onto stage while their owners were performing and releasing boxes of crickets into the other bands’ hotel rooms while they slept.
New Jersey based band, The Pennyroyals were victim to their stunts. The best story I heard was told by former Pennyroyal’s guitarist, Sprout, about the effects of garlic pills on sweaty musicians. The Pennyroyals had just wreaked havok in the form of two old food trays upon the Agents van and it was payback time. The Agents offered the boys "stamina pills" to help them through the next string of shows. What nobody knew was that they were garlic pills. After downing the pills for days the band arrived In Florida to play. It was hot and humid and once Those boys started, the entire venue nearly emptied from The garlic smell that was coming off them. Genius. Heh, heh.
My boy out of Los Angeles, Brent Ashley, bassist for The Dreaming recently came off Tour with Ill Nino. Towards the end of tour both the crew and Ill Nino were having way too much fun with those boys. The Dreaming's set began with a little mood lighting; for three songs straight they had strobes, then a nice rainbow coloring for a while. Impaired vision was nothing compared to the fact that the stage was Wall to wall double sided tape and moving around it was like playing in cement. Brent got a big "FAG" sign stuck to his amp, but the piece de resistance was the monitor guy singing the wrong lyrics off key into vocalist Chris' ear monitors and wedges. The boys struck back in true "hammered by Jager and beer" fashion. Brent and guitarist Jinx caused a more than a bit of mayhem on stage when they appeared and ran around head banging pretty much naked with only their underwear wedged up their asses and their socks pulled real high in the middle of the Latin heavy metal band's set. Ill Nino, being a bit homophobic as it was, promptly threw them off stage only to see them return a short while later beating the shit out of each other with ping pong paddles, still in the buff, heh.
My boy up north in Vancouver, Denyss Halo, bassist for The Black Halos, says his experience with The Angel City Outcasts was all about the foam. They had sprayed down the Halos' van with cans and cans of shaving cream, so the Halos snuck into theirs, filled their pillow cases and shoes with shaving cream and pissed in their air conditioner.
So yeah, touring.... It really is priceless the amount of cool people you meet when you go out and experience the road. Even the ones you go out on the road with and get to know better through stench of garlic and shaving cream....
Yeah man, wouldn’t trade it for the world.
M (of THE SICK LIST)
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