Erstellt am 17.09.2005 - 18:40

Postal 2: "Bonnie and Clyde"
A fanfiction by Mike "Howlin' Mad" Murphy

Prologue
"The Postal Dude has started to become lonely nowadays...Sure, a neibhorhood dog is good company, but he wants someone who will talk to him, rather than bark and wag it's tail at him...Hence, he decides to hire "a Bonnie to his Clyde"...

Chapter 1: 'Introductions'
Our 'hero' is found sitting on an old crate, leaning on his still-not-working car, smoking a cigarette, watching the day go by. Champ is laying around as he usually does, but springs up when a woman walks up to the Dude.
Dude ('Detective Monologue': She appeared to be in her early 20's, with green eyes and long brown hair. Champ had been sitting there, eyeing her every move. I for one didn't really care. If she was wanting to speak with me, it had better been quick...
?????: Mr.Dude I presume?
Dude: Who's askin'?
?????: I'm here about the job if it's still available.
Dude: Ah screw it, the past few people I've had ran away!
Iris: Well, I know what you do, and--*interrupted by the Dude*
Dude: *turns to Iris and places hand behind his back, gripping a pistol under his trenchcoat* You're here to avenge someone's death that you think was caused by me, right?
Iris: There's no need to draw that .50cal handgun behind your back. If you must know, I've travelled through time from the year 2050 A.D. in search of you. During our time, you're proclaimed a scientific genius, and without you, I would not have existed...
Dude: "You gotta be fuckin' kidding!"
Iris: You can deny it as much as you want, Mr.Dude. Everything I'm telling you is the truth. You see--
*Flashback*
There have been legends of a great warrior with unimaginable powers. This warrior could heal his wounds in a instant or slow time with the use of various herbs and relics. We came across these discoveries and made scientific advances upon them. With that in mind, they were able to create me. I posses the exact same abilites as you do, through the use of small 'generators' which run on a single power cell. Including the other technological discoveries we've come across over the years, I could very well be the female, robotic counter-part of yourself.
*End Flashback*
Dude: *Takes out a health pipe* "Man, I gotta stop smokin' this crap!"
Iris: Isn't that one of your relics?
Dude: ....Y-y-y-yeah....
Iris: So the legends are true afterall! *stands on bended knee* Please, allow me to join you!
Dude (puzzled): Uhhh........Okay....You may need a weapon though...
Iris: No need.
Dude (thinking): "I can tell this is going to be an interesting day!"

Chapter 2- 'Getting Aquainted'
The Dude and Iris are found talking to one another outside of the trailer.
Dude: So let me get this straight: you're a robot?
Iris: Android.
Dude: Whatever.
Just then, the Dude's wife leans out of the trailer and calls out to him.
Wife: Who are you talking to?
Dude: Just uh, an old friend of mine from high shcool.
Wife: I don't see anyone.
Dude: Yeah, she just left.
Wife: Well, alright...
*Door closes*
Dude: *turns around* Where did she go? *turns back*
Iris (Looking over the Dude's shoulder): Hi!
Dude: Holy shit! *Falls off crate*
Iris: Pretty cool, huh?
Dude: I guess, but where did you go?
Iris: I was right next to you.
Dude: No you weren't.
Iris: Yes I was, I was just cloaked.
Dude: So, you can become invisible?
Iris: Only for short amounts of time, otherwise the generator overloads and sends damaging electrical surges thoughout my body, slowly killing me if I do not deactivate it.
Dude: *dumbfounded*.....Well, if you're here to see what my daily life is like, let me show you a little something...
Iris: Okay, I hope you know what you're doing....
The Dude leads Iris to the back of the trailer, and shows her the pipe leading to the sewers.
Dude: Care for an 'adventure'?
Iris: You bet.
Dude: Well then, let's go.
Thus, they both enter the sewers
Loading...............Done!
Chapter 3 Part 1/2: 'Into The Sewers'
The Dude draws an assault rifle and puts on a kevlar vest laying on the ground.
Dude: Are you sure you don't need a weapon? It's pretty dangerous here.
Iris: Don't worry, I got one... *Draws a magnum*
Dude: Is that all you have?
Iris: Don't worry, I'm dead accurate with this thing
They advance out of the large pipe. No sooner do they get do so, the fanatics open fire.
Iris: Son of a bitch!! *returns fire*
Dude: "Get down!" *Draws the rocket launcher and fires. The blast takes out the rest of them*
Iris: You check that room over there, and I'll check down over there.
Dude: Okay.
Iris approaches the metal door that opens on cue, with fanatics running out. Iris activates a shielding system, and kills them with ease. Iris then decides to assist the Dude.
--20 minutes later--
The two regroup at where Iris was last, and they open the door...Well, the Dude kicks it open while Iris is against the wall, waiting for any other hostility. Seeing the coast is clear, she moves in slowly. They then encouter the 'elite' fanatics (black coats w/ kevlar) one of them is holding a rocket launcher
Iris: Stand back! *suddenly, the world around her slows down, and she takes aim and fires one shot at the rocket, destroying it with two 'normal' fanatics, then shoots the elite right between the eyes*
Dude: ????....What just happened?
Iris: Oh, I forgot to give you this. *hands him a gauntlet* by wearing this, you'll move at the same pace as me when I slow time.
Dude: ...Alright...*latches it on*...A little tight, though....
Iris: Don't worry, you'll get used to it...
After more fighting, the two come across the fuses that open the gates leading to the Tora Bora
Iris: *reads the sign* Hmm...I didn't see any gates around here...
Dude: Here, I'll show you *draws the mighty shovel and 'ka-bongs' the fuses with a loud clang* There...now watch down there...
The gate opens like clockwork, and the fanatics in the FMV rush as expected
Iris: 4 hostiles...What shall we do?
Dude: *reloads his rifle* What shouldn't we do?
Iris: .....Wait....I don't exactly get what you mean by--
Fanatic: Get them!!!
Iris: (High-Pitched) Eeek!....*everyone looks at her* WHAT?!
Our heroes win the fight easily (Well duh, because the story is no good if the characters are dead!), but Iris was wounded in the process.
Dude: You gonna be alright?
Iris: Yeah, I can just regenerate...
Dude: Say what?
Iris: To put it lightly: An internal system automatically treats and heals any wounds I sustain, but at a much faster rate than the natural healing process.
Chapter 3 Part 2/2: Still In The Sewers
The team has entered the gate, fought past the fanatics along the way, and are nearing the 'pit of doom' area.
Iris: Goddamn that fight was a bitch!
Dude (thinking): Much like my wife! Hehehe....(aloud) Hey, be careful!
Iris: What's the mat--Holy crap!! *The Dude jumps forth and saves Iris from falling into the pit*
Dude: I told you be careful!
Iris: ...I know, I was just testing you.
Dude: That wasn't very funny, you know...
Iris: Yeah, you're right...Sorry about that...Now how or where are we going to go from here? All I see is a pit, some pipes and *bullet whizes past her, cutting a portion of her hair off, noticing it, she runs her hand through her hair*....Somebody with a death wish! *Draws 2 sub-machine guns, and flies out into the open via jetpack systems within her feet*
--15 minutes later--
Iris: Alright, I found a way out of here, but we'll have to tightrope walk along these pipes. Hence, if you want, I can airlift you to it.
Dude: You honestly think you can pick me up?
Iris: Sure, I'll even show you right now *Picks up the Dude into a fireman's carry with little effort*
Dude: Okay, okay, I believe you! Let's go!
Loading...............Done!
Chapter 4 Part 1/3: 'Assault on the Tora Bora II'
The team is now approaching the Tora Bora, secret hideout/headquarters of the fanatics.
Dude: I gotta tell you this is going to be EXTREMELY dangerous! We gotta move quickly, and there is a chance we won't make it out. But if we do survive, be sure not to tell the world about this.
Iris: This place? I know it, this is the Tora Bora, secret headquarters of a terrorist group that's said to be stockpiling the weapons of mass destruction that soldiers had been looking for during 2003.
Dude: Yeah, I guess your right. Well here's the plan.
1. Gain access to the Headquarters
2. Find evidence of the WMD's existance
3. Rescue USMC POW's
4. Escape from the Tora Bora
Dude: "A-n-n-n-nd ready? GO!"
Iris: Alright, let's move out!
Fighting ensures, damage is sustained from both heroes, but they manage as expected. They take cover behind a crate near the enterance, Iris comes up with an idea.
Iris: Alright, I detect two hostiles near a set of explosive drums. I suggest we use those to our advantage.
Dude: Good idea.
Iris: *throws a grenade next to the barrels, and the rest is common sense.* Fire in the hole!
Dude: You're suposed to say that before you throw the grenade.
Iris: I know, but that would ruin the element of suprise!
1. Gain access to the Headquarters Status: Completed
2. Find evidence of the WMD's existence Status: Incomplete
3. Rescue USMC POW's Status: Incomplete
4. Escape from the Tora Bora Status: Incomplete
The soon come across the 'major slowdown' part of the map, but since this is based in real life, no slowdown occurs
Iris: Stay here. I got the PERFECT way to take care of these guys! Iris draws a heavy machine gun hits a few keys on her gauntlet, "Ride of the Valkyries" begins to play as she takes off on her jet-feet, and fires down on the fanatics
Iris: Ha ha! Get some, baby!.....Get some!....Yeah, take that ya cockbite!...C'mon out so I can get you!....
--20 minutes later--
Iris: The area's pretty clear as it is littered with bullet casings and corpses...If we split up, we can cover more ground, you know. What do you say?
Dude: Well, you can get lost here pretty easily, and there's no telling what dangers lie ahead.
Iris: Don't worry, the gauntlets we're wearing has radio capabilities so we can stay in contact.
Dude: Fine, You go look for the POW's, I'll look for the WMD.
Chapter 4 Part 2/3: 'Better Off Alone' (Iris)
Iris is nearing the location of the POW's. She walks lesiurely along, yet she makes no sounds from her footsteps.
Soldier 1: Hey! Who are you?
Iris: Staff Sergent Iris, USCM 718 'Airborne', I'm here to rescue you.
Soldier 2: Thank god! We've been in here for months!
Iris: Shhhh! Stand back, and I'll cut through these bars.
Soldier 1: You know, you could just break the fuses over there, it'll override the locks.
Iris: *looks over* Yeah, but I detect a silent alarm within the area. Breaking the fuses will set it off, and surely we'll be in deep shit...Wait! I can scramble the alarms' systems with an elctro-magnetic pulse, then break the fuses as simple as that!
Soldier 1: I hope your plan works.
Iris: Trust me, it should....*under her breath* It damn well better.
Iris draws, charges, and fires the EMP cannon. A direct hit on the fuses, the gate opens, and the soldiers rush out.
Soldier 1: *Picks up an assault rifle* C'mon! Let's get the hell outta here!
Soldier 2: *Picks up a shotgun* You take the point, I'm sure you'll know the way out.
Iris: Right, hold on a second. *activates radio* Dude, the soldiers have been rescued. Repeat, the soldiers have been rescued.
Dude(radio): Copy that.
Iris: Did you find anything about the WMD's yet?
Dude: Not that I know of, but I found plenty of 'goodies' for us, heh heh!
1. Gain access to the Headquarters Status: Completed
2. Find evidence of the WMD's existence Status: Incomplete
3. Rescue USMC POW's Status: Completed
4. Escape from the Tora Bora Status: Incomplete
Chapter 4 Part 3/3: 'The Final Battle'
The Dude looks around high and low for evidence of the WMD, but to no avail. But just then, a door opens near the Dude.
Dude: ...Hmm, maybe this will point me in the right direction...
As the FMV goes, the door closes behind him, and 5 elite fanatics rush in, the 'leader' kicks a nearby crate, and picks up a strange looking rocket launcher.
Leader Fanatic: There he is! Kill that bastard!
Dude: *ducks behind crate with bullets wailing onto it* Oh shit...I'm well outnumbered!...
Iris (radio): Dude! I'm detecting severe hostility in your current postition, we are on our way to assist you! Stand back from the metal door in front of you, I'm going to blast it open!
Sure enough, the door is blasted open and Iris along with the POW's rush forth.
Iris: Cha-a-a-a-a-arge!
Hours of fighting occured, and when all the smoke, black and green, cleared, Iris and the soldiers are victorious. Iris unfortunately suffered severe wounds. Soldier 1 (who was trained as a medic) tends to her aid.
Dude: Iris! *runs over to her* You alright?
Iris: No, I'm in unspeakable pain right now.
Dude: I'm no stranger to sarcasm.
Soldier 1: *Finishes appling a tourniquette*...Alright, you should be fine...
Soldier 2: *picks up the WMD* This is it! One of the Weapons of Mass Destruction HQ told us about!
Soldier 1: You know what this means?....We're gonna be friggin' heroes! *the two high-five and everbody celebrates*
1. Gain access to the Headquarters Status: Completed
2. Find evidence of the WMD's existence Status: Completed
3. Rescue USMC POW's Status: Completed
4. Escape from the Tora Bora Status: Completed
Chapter 5: 'The Twist'
The soldiers were airlifted out of the area, and our heroes stand outside of the Tora Bora enterance.
Iris: It's finally over....
Dude: ............
Iris: *Turns to the Dude* Well, it's been a honor to meet you, and fight by your side....You truly are a legend...*A portal appears behind her, she turns to it. A futuristic soldier stands before it.*
Future soldier: Iris!....It's time to go.....
Iris nods, and walks toward the portal.
Dude: Iris, wait!
Iris turns around, her hair flows over her shoulder.
Iris: What?
Dude: Will I ever see you again?...
Iris: ......If I ever have any spare time, I may visit you again...But as long as you hold on to that gauntlet, I'll always be with you...*She slowly begins to walk toward the portal*
Dude: Before you go, Iris...I just wanted to say goodbye...
After a long pause, the two kiss...Iris then walks back, enters the portal with the soldier, and it disappears in a flash.
Dude: *takes off his sunglasses* ....I'll miss you....*tear runs down his cheek*
Epilogue
The Dude has the gauntlet Iris gave him to this very day, and his wife has no idea about his relationship with her.
Iris returned to the USCM, where she was promoted to Sergeant First Class and was awarded the Purple Heart.
The soldiers became the talk of the country. They were on every news network on tv, on the cover of various magazines, and was given a parade in their honor for finding the WMD's and altogether saving the US of A.
The End